Firecracker day

July 4, 1776, the Continental Congress unanimously voted for independence from British tyranny.  Our founding fathers risked their lives in this pursuit.  Under British law, this was considered treason, punishable by death.  The document ratified was written by Thomas Jefferson, a Virginia slave owner.  Benjamin Franklin and John Adams had a hand in editing some of the superb language, but felt that Jefferson's work was exquisite, as do we today. However, we feel somewhat differently about freedom than Jefferson did.

John Adams was an intense personality with a fiery temper.  His views arose from deep sentiment and a strong sense of morality.  On July 3, 1776, he wrote three letters to his wife, Abigail. He expressed a great deal of excitement in the last letter of that day, the day before that most auspicious of days, July 4, the day that would change the world, the day that set forth radical ideas and would ultimately change the course of mankind.  Adams sensed this and with his usual verve, he wrote Abigail with his visions for the future.  He felt that July 4th would be celebrated as a national holiday with fireworks and parties in the streets.  He understood the magnitude of this event before it had even taken place.  He could not have envisioned the magnitude of current events.

I live in a small town in Wyoming where people are allowed to shoot off fireworks.  Families often spend more on fireworks than on Christmas so that the air is heavy with sulfurous smoke and the roads littered with garbage. This is done without understanding the purpose of the day.  In the last couple of years, I have asked neighborhood children why we shoot off fireworks on July 4th.  The reply?  Because it is firecracker day!  I said no, it is the anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.  What is that?  The day we celebrate the end of British rule and British tyranny, the day we became a nation in our own right.  They looked at me as if I were speaking Greek.  It would seem we have taken Jesus Christ out of Christmas and now we have taken freedom out of the 4th of July.  I wonder what Adams and Jefferson would say to this. 

George Washington, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were the first three presidents of a great nation we call the United States of America.  Washington lead an army for freedom.  Adams lit the flames on the torch of patriotism for the new nation.  Jefferson gave us heart and inspiration.  Today, our army fights for freedom, though not ours. The flames of patriotism are often merely the smoke that blinds us to the needs of one another.  Our heart and inspiration have become an attitude of individuality that cares not for the common good. 

These 235 years on, it is time to revisit our history books and our forefathers.  It is time to understand that while we fought back tyranny of one kind, we traded it for another; a tyranny of apathy, disinterest and ignorance.  We have come full circle to taxation without true representation and to the type of bloated federal machine that has no more concern or understanding of its citizens than King George III had for the colonists.

This is the year to declare our independence once again.  It is time to understand history so we are not doomed to repeat it.  It is time to understand that the gift of freedom carries a burden of responsibility, and that those responsibilities belong to all of us.  The unalienable rights, to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is the American definition of freedom, but freedom is not freedom without equity.  It is time to go back to the source, read it and understand it; create a few fireworks of home grown variety.

http://www.earlyamerica.com/earlyamerica/freedom/doi/text.html

It was better than sex!

Golden Grin   10 x 14 Watercolor 

There is sex, that physical act, and then there is love making.  While often playing semantics, there is a discernible difference between the two.  Making love implies an emotional connection, a certain intimacy that transcends the physical, and often has nothing to do with sexual intercourse.  Making love can be present in all kinds of relationships, in fact, as it is the uniquely human ability to connect on a spiritual plane.

Suze Orman says, quite accurately, that women are more relational than men.  A woman cannot do well with anything in her life, unless she has a relationship with it.  While Suze is talking about women and money, I think this idea is important.  How many things do you have in your life, and how many of these things do you see in terms of relationship?

For me, one of these things is my artwork.  I have never considered that I have a relationship with it, nor have I felt that having a relationship with my art is important.  I have always considered my art to be an extension of myself, the "self" within.  When I post my work online I often feel naked, as though I have exposed something that should be kept covered up and private.  It feels as though I am baring my soul for the world to see.  Perhaps that is true, but there are other forces at work here too.

If you were to ask me two weeks ago if I had a relationship with my art, I'd have thought for a moment and felt, in a vague way, that it was a relationship of sorts, but a contentious one; I do a lot of fighting and arguing, frequently feeling a lot of disgust and frustration.  If I had a human life partner and we shared the sort of angst I have had with my art, we would soon be divorced.  No one likes to live like that!

Two days after my birthday, February 20, I had a "better than sex" experience with making art.  I made love with my art.  I have never done that before.  I realized, quite suddenly, that this is more than an extension of the self.  I suddenly understood that I have to build a relationship with this activity.  I have to love it unconditionally, appreciate it, build on it, trust it, believe in it, nurture it, as I would any important relationship in my life.  Then, and only then, am going to be able to relate to it as intimately as I did last week.  It was the most singular experience of my life, quite the defining moment.  It was the most intoxicating and draining, energizing and exciting emotional experience of my life.  It was like discovering that a passionate lover lives next door and it only took 37 years to notice how attractive that person is!

The brass tacks of painting will never be the same for me.  I have a profoundly intimate relationship with something of beauty and delicate substance, if I chose to honor it with my love.  And I do

Life, Death and Love

This is a heavy subject for a second blog that is intended to be more lightweight. I feel compelled to write about it, as this coming week is the anniversary.

It is my fortune to die twice in this life. The first time was six years ago, over Thanksgiving weekend. The long and the short of it is that I suffered a near-fatal drug interaction, “speed balled” my brain and had a small stroke. I lost more than I am willing to share with my readers, but I want to share a few of the things I gained from the experience.

When people try to tell me that there is no afterlife, I have to argue with them. I have been there and I have seen it, first hand. It is a beautiful place where there is no judgment, but the most amazing sense of peace and understanding that it is beyond human words to describe. I have often felt that I live with one foot in this life and one foot in the next. There has not been a day in the past six years when I do not wish that I had died, and not a single day when I am not grateful that I did not. I know that the other side is there for me and I will return to stay, but there is a reason I am not there now. The past six years has been my personal quest to bring to this life what I understand of the next.

The most important lesson I learned is the meaning of life: Love and relationship. Love for everyone and everything, and relationship, not just to other people, but also with every living thing. The second most important thing is that I learned to accept being loved. Prior to this time, I refused to let anyone love me, believing myself to be unworthy. I had been told I was unworthy of happiness and good things in life often enough to have internalized it. The message from the beyond is that everyone is worthy, everyone is entitled to love. The only impediment any of us has with regard to happiness is ourselves. We either allow happiness, or we don’t. I have learned to allow it, to allow myself to accept love from those whom I love.

In the time since, I feel as though I have become a concentric force of nature. I find my pretenses gone and expectations of others diminished. My life is incredibly full with a successful career in a traditional sense and as an artist in my so-called free time, and full of love, friendship and relationship. At the vortex of my life is a great deal of self-acceptance and self-respect, even self-love. I am no longer afraid of drawing people toward that center where my heart resides.

It is not easy to share the most significant event in my life thus far, nor it is easy to share that I returned to this life to find that I was ill and would always be ill. As it turns out, SLE is the greatest gift I have ever received. It made me slow down and take the time to smell the roses of life. Because it is such an unpredictable disease course, I have had to relax and take each and every day as it comes, for better or worse. There can be no expectations and it is difficult to make plans of any kind…I have to accept the will of God from one moment to the next, to live in Grace, and believe the best is yet to come.

Introduction to Personal Propundity

INTRODUCTION

I am told I should write a book. I hear this on at least a weekly basis. I believe this is because I have certain way of turning a phrase, a broad and varied vocabulary, and intermittent bouts of verbal diarrhea. There are few things in life in which I find no humor. I enjoy waxing and sanding a joke back and forth so many times I nearly wear it out, only to throw some fertilizer on it and squeeze out another giggle.

As for writing a book, I have not written a book for a several reasons. One, I am not a fiction writer, my genre is the essay of spontaneous thought. Secondly, I have neither the time to devote to such an undertaking, nor enough interest in it to make time. Third, and this was brought up by a friend, that if I actually sat down and intended to write, it would become stilted or stodgy, I'd lose my edge. For now, a blog is more my speed, my level of interest and in line with my time constraints.

I feel it is necessary to make some explanation of what you will read here, a sort of reader's guide. My aim is not to offend, but I cannot promise I won't, at times, offend my readers. The opinions I offer are my own. Not everything is my own original wording, and when it is not, I will seek to cite a source. You must not take anything I say personally, it is not intended to be taken in such a way. Whether you agree with me or not, if I made you think about a topic, I have accomplished my goal.

It is important to tell you that I am a Pisces. I am not particularly interested in Zodiac signs or their meanings, but I will use this analogy to explain my thought processes. Pisces is two fish swimming in a fish bowl, but not peacefully. They are trying to nip each other's tails while arguing over which side of the bowl is for eating in and which side is to accommodate the inevitable result of a meal. It is a constant, circular argument. One fish is white, one fish is black and round and round they go in a blur of gray. This is how my mind works. I weigh the black and the white with such rapidity that all I see is gray. I often refer to this as my "analysis paralysis" being entirely too anal to make any kind of a decision. I see both sides of every coin, but I am seeking the substance that holds the two sides together.

This blog is generally written spontaneously without a great deal of "process" in the writing mode. In high school I was the master of extemporaneous debate, quite possibly due to the reasons described above. One had to be able to argue either side of a debate on demand, make them equally believable as one's own opinion, while twisting one's opponent in knots by cinching the topic so tightly there was no room left for discussion. These days, I don't need an opponent, being perfectly content to challenge my own thinking patterns in the fish bowl of my mind. These are what I will share with you.

~~LMHBryant